i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
