I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
