its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
