I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
