I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
