This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
