she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
