Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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