i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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