Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
