I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Randomize
