Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
