I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
