walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
