So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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