Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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