If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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