Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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