I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
