i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I need a burrito and a hug.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
You can't just leave with hair like that
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize