i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
