It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
