too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize