Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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