So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
