I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
