Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
