somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
