Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
