Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Don't EVER smell your tampon
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
