you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
