so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
