why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
