My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
