shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
