No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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