whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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