Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
