I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
