that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize