Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Randomize
