if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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