I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
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