drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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