It's like a parade of train wrecks.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
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