This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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