I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
