I like to think it a success when the cops are called
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
