I think i sorta joined a cult last night
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
