my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Randomize
