So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
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