well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
