why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
