Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
