He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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