I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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