I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
