i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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