how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
