your thong is hanging out like whoa
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
