Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
