i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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