It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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