Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
