My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
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