for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
