Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
My bed smells like the plague
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