if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
