yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
