All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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