I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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