so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
