What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
