Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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