I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
