I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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