My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
