Well douche your snatch and let's go!
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
