They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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