Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
