My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
