Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
