but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Randomize
