Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
