But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
