Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
