If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
