clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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