In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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