do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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