Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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