I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
My vagina is officially offended.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
