I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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