Dude my mom stole all your condoms
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
