I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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