I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Randomize
