I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
