there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
