I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
