What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize
