On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
i believe in u and ur pee
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
