No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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