Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
