I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize