says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
