I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
the day after is always just damage control
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I could fuck to npr.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
