My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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