Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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