I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
